Exothermic Cow


Abstract: My research indicates that there are a bazillion recipes for slow cooking a chunk of dead cow. A nonprime number of this magnitude can cause an unbalance in the magneto quasi-quark pizzo-dynamic hydro-static balance of the Septilian galaxy. To correct this problem, I have added another recipe. While it is cooking it, you can devise a rigorous proof that bazillion and one is a prime integer.


Serves: 2 suppers and 3 lunches for 1 engineer


Lead time: 20 minutes - not counting cooking.


Tools: Crock pot (medium to large), skillet, chopping board and knife


Bill of Materials:

Roma tomatoes 4 medium to large

Banana finger potatoes 4 cups

Baby carrots 2 cups

White onion 1 large

Spicy V8 1 32 oz bottle

Beef roast 1-2 pounds, no bone and trimmed

Butter Stick (2 tbs.)

Ground black pepper as many shakes as needed

Cayenne pepper about as much as the black pepper

Louisiana hot sauce 2 oz

Tabasco sauce 2 teaspoons

Merlot (or other red wine) 2 oz

Italian seasoning 1 tablespoon


Assembly Instructions:

Chop the tomatoes into 16 chunks each (quarter them longwise and cut each quarter into 4 pieces). Cut the potatoes and carrots into pieces about to inches long. Cut the onion into eight pieces and separate the layers. Put half of everything into the crock pot. Pour in 8 ounces of the V8 juice.

Put skillet on medium heat. Cut the roast into 2, 3 or 4 chunks depending on its size and shape. Rub the butter into all facets of the meat. Sprinkle the buttered meat with black and Cayenne pepper on one side. Put the chunks into the hot skillet peppered side down. Pepper the other side while the down side browns. Turn and brown the other side. Remove from skillet into crock pot.

Put the rest of the chopped veggies in the crock pot. Add sauces and wine. Add another 8 ounces of V8. Sprinkle Italian seasoning on top and put lid on crock pot. Turn the crock pot on the low setting and go to work and design bridges or do transient stability analysis for 8 to 10 hours. Come home and eat it right out of the crock pot. You can use the rest of the V8 to make Bloody Marys for breakfast.